Getting into tech made me more neurotic
Having spent the morning knee deep in statistical analysis of road traffic accidents, I can't help but feel that tech is making me more effective at worrying. Don't get me wrong, I have been a certified worrier since the day I was born. Getting into tech has just given me a systematic way to evidence those worries.
I know a lot of anxious people in tech, and no wonder. The technical way of thinking can act as a comfort blanket. Nothing is insurmountable if you can just break it down into teeny tiny problems to be solved one at a time.
However, it's a little too reassuring. It gives us a false sense of security where actually data and abstraction is just that: abstract. We lose something in representing life in numbers or statistics that we can't regain through interpretation.
Once you understand that, there's the next level of worry; the fact that people are using this data to make decisions that are literally life or death and treating them as the gospel truth.
Something that I also didn't understand or expect is that the more I use my mind in a technical way, the harder it is to step back from logical thinking. While my brain absolutely loves having the opportunity to structure things in a logical and rational way, I didn't realise how much it would influence the rest of my life.
Being able to think logically and spot patterns is an excellent engine for anxiety and overthinking. When I'm dealing with health problems, my first port of call now is to start tracking and analysing. While that can be helpful sometimes, doing it all the time is exhausting.
So I'm taking my new technical mindset and souped up overthinking to intricate colourwork knitting instead. At the very least, even if I'm still worried, I'll end up with some pretty cool dragon mittens.